GSelevator is the funniest twitter account, especially if you are into finance.

Over the last 4 years, John Lefevre (the man behind the account and writer of “Straight to Hell”, a book that we very much recommend) has shared more than 1,400+ one-liners and short stories.

We have selected 27 of them, they are exactly what you would expect “Wolfie” would mentor you with:

1. “A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, motherfucker.”


2. “If I ever check-in somewhere on Facebook, it’ll be Mt. Everest, Mars or Kate Upton Bedroom. Not Chilli’s happy hour.”


3. “If your bachelor party revolves around a big steak dinner and a strip club, count me out. I did that last night.”


4. “Coasters are for people who need to put their drink down.”


5. “China is our landlord and we know he’s beating his wife but we’re 2 months behind on rent so we let it slide.”


6. “Some chick asked me what I would do with 10 million bucks. I told her I’d wonder where the rest of my money went.”


7. “Each comma in your bank account adds an inch your your dick.”


8. “I’d rather be me now than have been the quarterback in high school.”


9. “When it doesn’t matter how much the drinks costs, it’s always happy hour.”


10. “She’s hot but not “risk half of my net worth hot” hot.”


11. “In life, the boos always come from the cheap seats.”


12. “Most people wouldn’t even be the main character in a movie about their own lives.”


13. “Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.”


14. “I already know I’m going to Hell. So at this point, it’s go big or go home.”


15. “If riding the bus doesn’t incentivize you to improve your station in life, nothing will.”


16. “Just be yourself” is probably good advice to probably 5% of people.


17. “Don’t apologize for being late with a Starbucks latte in your hand.”


18. “Flowers and an apology are a lot easier than actually changing.”


19. “How easily someone is offended is directly proportional to how stupid they are.”


20. “Watching how someone behaves at an open bar tells you everything you need to know about them.”


21.” Hot girls will never know if they are actually interesting or not.”


22. “Listening is part waiting for your turn to speak and part reminding yourself to change facial expressions every 10 seconds.”


23. “On Valentine’s day, send your girl flowers anonymously. If she doesn’t mention anything, dump her.”


24. “If you are not dead to at least one person, you’re not living right.”


25. “You shouldn’t retire until your money starts making more money than you made in your best year.”


26. “I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”


27. “If there’s a hot chick behind me at the ATM, I’ll always have my receipt in the machine so she can see the balance.”